I set my clocks early because I know I'm always late.

I've been doing some thinking and I wanted to get all of these thoughts down somewhere immediately. I feel mildly enlightened right now and I didn't want to lose it:

I've learned alot.

I've changed alot (not really). Well, maybe. I hope you'd still like me. That's really all I want. To be the kind of person YOU'd be proud to know, to love. That's how I felt about you.

Sometimes people will surprise you and when they do they will surprise you left often.
Sometimes people will tell you things about yourself that you didn't know and I think it's those things that are the most important.
The right people will understand the right things without any explanation from you.
That's probably why they're the right people.
Guarding walls may be intimidating but it's what's behind those walls that's important. What's behind those walls is beautiful, it's fragile and it needs you to help protect it. The intimidation is worth it.
I've learned alot but there's still more.

"Things have changed for me but that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way."
I have alot of respect for those words. Probably one of my favourite songs. There's something about those words that can be incredibly difficult to say/feel/think/understand/accept. I have an incredible amount of respect for the man that produced those words. I hope I can get to that point one day too.
I'm getting there.
Maybe soon
(ish).
I'll let you know.
I'll send your mom a postcard.

"Now turn on your lights because I'm coming home. I've been delivered for the first time."

I advise you to listen to I've Been Delivered by The Wallflowers. It tells an entire story. I think it's everybody's story really. At least I feel like it's mine. Maybe it's yours too. But maybe not. Maybe you're just still on the prologue. That's okay though.
I've always loved prologues.

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-steem to match.

And I bandage my broken heart with your rejection. A badge of honour. Proud of the fact you cared enough to hurt me.
You still remain my favourite scar. A bruise I poke occasionally to be sure it's still there.
But no one likes their fruit bruised.

Everything would be the same. Except you, you'd be different in some way.

I live in Guelph.
Guelph is not my home.
When I go home, I'm visiting.
I don't have a home.
I'm not sure where that leaves me.
I feel uneasy.

It's hard to acknowledge unacknowledgment.

I strongly believe that you and I would make an excellent elderly couple.

Months later the very sight of you makes my breath quicken, my pulse race and there's a crippling pain in the area where I think my heart used to reside. Thanks.

I can't prove that I've ever loved anyone.

It hurts due to the sheer power of the emotion. It takes over and leaves you more vulnerable than you ever thought you could be. There's so much opportunity for loss and I've missed the mark so many times. There's also the matter of confidence but we don't need to touch on that. What I do know is that that heartbreak is the best kind and I don't think I could be weak in any better way. That feeling is worth it and it's addictive.
I'm insatiable.

"Maybe we just need to believe that lemmings jump off of cliffs to prove that they love us and sure that sacrifice is empty but it's nice to believe that somebody up there cares enough to plummet onto jagged back-breaking rocks in an attempt to tell us we're beautiful."

I am not always on time. Please don't expect that from me. Yeah, I will be late, but if you can just wait I will make it eventually.

These are just ghosts that broke my heart before I met you.

I don't like air conditioned environments.
They're really cold.
Not that I mind being cold. I generally am about 20 degrees colder than anything else in the vicinity.
But air conditioned cold is a different kind of cold. Artificial.
Cold should come naturally to people, I think.
Today is the first day my mom turned on the air conditioner this summer.
I've been really uneasy all day.
I'm wearing my winter clothes to keep out the cold.

I think Miranda July is brilliant. I've been fixated on her today. I started reading her book, "No One Belongs Here More Than You". It's incredibly profound and real. I don't really know what else to say about it. I can't put it down though, it's just such an interesting view of humanity. I also watched her film "Me, You and Everyone Else We Know". It was also fucking brilliant.

I originally wrote this in a notebook because my brother was on my computer so I couldn't use it. This blog was a lot longer in my notebook but I don't really want to include the rest. So this is all.

Soundtrack to my life:
The Debt - Julia Nunes
Coming Up Easy - Paolo Nutini
Happy - Never Shout Never
She's A Lady - Forever The Sickest Kids
Air Mattress - Conor Oberst

I think it's time to be myself because I'm sick of everybody else.

Hi, my name is Katherine.

I am 18 and I'm from Toronto.

And I'm looking for love.

I'm going to university.

I like watching 80's comedies, finding new music, reading new books and horseback riding.

My family is alot to handle so you'd have to be able to deal with that.

Alot of people say I have my head in the clouds but I don't see anything wrong with that.

I hope to someday have kids but right now I'm only raising 3 bamboo plants, one of which is turning yellow so I'm kind of feeling like an inadequate mom.

I love scrabble and I use dictionary.com to check your words because I will never trust you if you're making up a word.

What I'm looking for in a man?

I think most important I would want them to be themselves.

You don't have to get a haircut.

You don't have to change your shoes.

You don't have to like Jack Johnson.

You don't have to put the seat own.

You don't have to watch the news.

You don't have to learn the mashed potato.

You don't have to eat quiche.

What I want from you is.. I guess you just have to love me. Unconditionally.

I'm not asking you to change who you are and I hope you can find it in your heart to love me the same.

I want you and nothing but you, miles and piles of you.

No substitution will do.

Nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure top of the line and totally mine.

So, if you're exactly who I want and I can see myself loving you unconditionally and I'm exactly who you want and you can see yourself loving me unconditionally, let me know.