I set my clocks early because I know I'm always late.

I've been doing some thinking and I wanted to get all of these thoughts down somewhere immediately. I feel mildly enlightened right now and I didn't want to lose it:

I've learned alot.

I've changed alot (not really). Well, maybe. I hope you'd still like me. That's really all I want. To be the kind of person YOU'd be proud to know, to love. That's how I felt about you.

Sometimes people will surprise you and when they do they will surprise you left often.
Sometimes people will tell you things about yourself that you didn't know and I think it's those things that are the most important.
The right people will understand the right things without any explanation from you.
That's probably why they're the right people.
Guarding walls may be intimidating but it's what's behind those walls that's important. What's behind those walls is beautiful, it's fragile and it needs you to help protect it. The intimidation is worth it.
I've learned alot but there's still more.

"Things have changed for me but that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way."
I have alot of respect for those words. Probably one of my favourite songs. There's something about those words that can be incredibly difficult to say/feel/think/understand/accept. I have an incredible amount of respect for the man that produced those words. I hope I can get to that point one day too.
I'm getting there.
Maybe soon
(ish).
I'll let you know.
I'll send your mom a postcard.

"Now turn on your lights because I'm coming home. I've been delivered for the first time."

I advise you to listen to I've Been Delivered by The Wallflowers. It tells an entire story. I think it's everybody's story really. At least I feel like it's mine. Maybe it's yours too. But maybe not. Maybe you're just still on the prologue. That's okay though.
I've always loved prologues.

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-steem to match.

And I bandage my broken heart with your rejection. A badge of honour. Proud of the fact you cared enough to hurt me.
You still remain my favourite scar. A bruise I poke occasionally to be sure it's still there.
But no one likes their fruit bruised.

Everything would be the same. Except you, you'd be different in some way.

I live in Guelph.
Guelph is not my home.
When I go home, I'm visiting.
I don't have a home.
I'm not sure where that leaves me.
I feel uneasy.

It's hard to acknowledge unacknowledgment.

I strongly believe that you and I would make an excellent elderly couple.

Months later the very sight of you makes my breath quicken, my pulse race and there's a crippling pain in the area where I think my heart used to reside. Thanks.

I can't prove that I've ever loved anyone.

It hurts due to the sheer power of the emotion. It takes over and leaves you more vulnerable than you ever thought you could be. There's so much opportunity for loss and I've missed the mark so many times. There's also the matter of confidence but we don't need to touch on that. What I do know is that that heartbreak is the best kind and I don't think I could be weak in any better way. That feeling is worth it and it's addictive.
I'm insatiable.

"Maybe we just need to believe that lemmings jump off of cliffs to prove that they love us and sure that sacrifice is empty but it's nice to believe that somebody up there cares enough to plummet onto jagged back-breaking rocks in an attempt to tell us we're beautiful."

I am not always on time. Please don't expect that from me. Yeah, I will be late, but if you can just wait I will make it eventually.

These are just ghosts that broke my heart before I met you.

I don't like air conditioned environments.
They're really cold.
Not that I mind being cold. I generally am about 20 degrees colder than anything else in the vicinity.
But air conditioned cold is a different kind of cold. Artificial.
Cold should come naturally to people, I think.
Today is the first day my mom turned on the air conditioner this summer.
I've been really uneasy all day.
I'm wearing my winter clothes to keep out the cold.

I think Miranda July is brilliant. I've been fixated on her today. I started reading her book, "No One Belongs Here More Than You". It's incredibly profound and real. I don't really know what else to say about it. I can't put it down though, it's just such an interesting view of humanity. I also watched her film "Me, You and Everyone Else We Know". It was also fucking brilliant.

I originally wrote this in a notebook because my brother was on my computer so I couldn't use it. This blog was a lot longer in my notebook but I don't really want to include the rest. So this is all.

Soundtrack to my life:
The Debt - Julia Nunes
Coming Up Easy - Paolo Nutini
Happy - Never Shout Never
She's A Lady - Forever The Sickest Kids
Air Mattress - Conor Oberst

I think it's time to be myself because I'm sick of everybody else.

Hi, my name is Katherine.

I am 18 and I'm from Toronto.

And I'm looking for love.

I'm going to university.

I like watching 80's comedies, finding new music, reading new books and horseback riding.

My family is alot to handle so you'd have to be able to deal with that.

Alot of people say I have my head in the clouds but I don't see anything wrong with that.

I hope to someday have kids but right now I'm only raising 3 bamboo plants, one of which is turning yellow so I'm kind of feeling like an inadequate mom.

I love scrabble and I use dictionary.com to check your words because I will never trust you if you're making up a word.

What I'm looking for in a man?

I think most important I would want them to be themselves.

You don't have to get a haircut.

You don't have to change your shoes.

You don't have to like Jack Johnson.

You don't have to put the seat own.

You don't have to watch the news.

You don't have to learn the mashed potato.

You don't have to eat quiche.

What I want from you is.. I guess you just have to love me. Unconditionally.

I'm not asking you to change who you are and I hope you can find it in your heart to love me the same.

I want you and nothing but you, miles and piles of you.

No substitution will do.

Nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure top of the line and totally mine.

So, if you're exactly who I want and I can see myself loving you unconditionally and I'm exactly who you want and you can see yourself loving me unconditionally, let me know.

Oh, Best Friend

katherine says:
"Jokasta reveals to Oedipus that when her first son was born she received a prophecy that he was to kill his father and mate with his father."
katherine says:
ew.
katherine says:
i laughed so hard when i realized what i wrote
[[Christine]] says:
lmao, me too
[[Christine]] says:
i didnt notice at first
oh man
oedipus <3
katherine says:
for some reason i was like i need to show christine this error
katherine says:
nice mascot btw
[[Christine]] says:
lmao
thanks
[[Christine]] says:
yesterday i was trying to write
"Thunder - Boys Like Girls"
[[Christine]] says:
and i wrote "Boys Like Thunder"
[[Christine]] says:
and didnt notice until like, ten minutes later
[[Christine]] says:
that would be an awesome band
katherine says:
YEAH!
katherine says:
did you order tickets?
katherine says:
what other band name i like:
"Moby and the Moby Dick Tones"
katherine says:
it doesn't even make sense it just makes me laugh
katherine says:
it's funnier if you say it out loud
[[Christine]] says:
lol how i say it outloud to check
and NO but i keep bugging my mom about it
ill bug her again now
katherine says:
okies
katherine says:
what do you think my mom would do if i called her and asked her to bring home ice cream?
[[Christine]] says:
say
"Yes, Katherine, I will do anything to make you happy."
katherine says:
oh! i better go call her before she starts heading home!
[[Christine]] says:
lol!
[[Christine]] says:
she just ordered the tickets!
katherine says:
yaaaay!!!
katherine says:
so excited!!
katherine says:
my mom said she might pick up ice cream!
[[Christine]] says:
yay!
katherine says:
SO excited!
[[Christine]] says:
its just a good night in general
katherine says:
i know!
except for the english essay that i decided to procrastinate until now
[[Christine]] says:
lmaooo
[[Christine]] says:
and you know
[[Christine]] says:
calculus.
katherine says:
yeeaaaahhh
[[Christine]] says:
lol
[[Christine]] says:
lmao, i'm watching scenes from moulin rouge
[[Christine]] says:
and i just watched that part
[[Christine]] says:
where theyre singing their secret song
katherine says:
i lost my note with the essay format on it so i googled it looking for a detailed format and on one page this is one of the quotes:
[[Christine]] says:
and the bad guy goes
katherine says:
"The keyhole essay is easy to use and just as easy to abuse -- so take care!"
[[Christine]] says:
"my dear, a little frog!"
[[Christine]] says:
lol!
[[Christine]] says:
oh, google
katherine says:
LMAO! i always DIE at that part!
[[Christine]] says:
SO good
katherine says:
i love how you're watching moulin rouge rather than doing calculus
it makes me happy on the inside
[[Christine]] says:
lmao
i did SOME calculus
i needed a break.
[[Christine]] says:
a moulin rouge break
katherine says:
haha, everyone needs a moulin rouge break somtimes
katherine says:
YES! i finally found my format sheet!!
so relieved
[[Christine]] says:
yay!
katherine says:
praise sweet baby J
[[Christine]] says:
lmao
[[Christine]] says:
i love how i'm still on a 'study break'
katherine says:
lol, i am too..
i've written like one paragraph
[[Christine]] says:
lol we faiiiil
[[Christine]] says:
still watching scenes from moulin rouge...
[[Christine]] says:
so... hows the english?
katherine says:
i'm almost on the conclusion
katherine says:
how's calc?
[[Christine]] says:
ohhh its great
i'm really getting a lot done and excelling at everything i try
katherine says:
lmao
[[Christine]] says:
i love the way you know i'm being sarcastic even though its the internet <3
katherine says:
rofl, at first i was scared that you'd be insulted if i assumed that it was sarcasm and think that i thought you were stupid or something
but then i realized that it's the internet and i could just lie about what i actually meant
[[Christine]] says:
lol!!!
katherine says:
i love the internet
[[Christine]] says:
moi aussi
katherine says:
i had this quote on my paper from oedipus rex and it said "I saved this city."
but i saw it out of the corner of my eye and i thought it said "I saved this guy." i was like wtf?
[[Christine]] says:
lmao!
[[Christine]] says:
for some reason that makes me laugh a lot.
katherine says:
lol, it made me laiugh really hard too but i was afraid you wouldn't laugh
katherine says:
i love the internet
[[Christine]] says:
"OEDIPUS. YOU HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER?"
"HAY. LISTEN. I saved this guy! Give me a break!"
[[Christine]] says:
oh god
[[Christine]] says:
that made NO sense
katherine says:
ROFL!!!
i got it
it was hilarious
[[Christine]] says:
lmao
[[Christine]] says:
i love how you say 'you got it' even though i told the joke and i didnt get it
katherine says:
it was funny though!!
katherine says:
and so was that
[[Christine]] says:
lol thanks
[[Christine]] says:
we're geniuses tonight
katherine says:
btw i imagined "HAY. LISTEN" in the revolution tone
[[Christine]] says:
that was the intention
katherine says:
i'm so happy you understood waht that meant
[[Christine]] says:
lmao
[[Christine]] says:
can i post this entire conversation in my facebook quotes?
katherine says:
lol, yes
katherine says:
i actually have had this window open ever since "Oedipus kills his father and mates with his father"
[[Christine]] says:
me too!
[[Christine]] says:
your lips turn black when you do that
[[Christine]] says:
its a disease
katherine says:
LMAO!
katherine says:
i was so confused for a minute
but then i realized
[[Christine]] says:
lmao!
katherine says:
English study notes:
- Oedipus kills father
- Oedipus mates with father
- Oedipus' lips turn black
- Oedipus saves some guy
- Everyone forgives Oedipus for being diseased
[[Christine]] says:
LMAO
[[Christine]] says:
can i make a blog just so i can put this conversation on it?
katherine says:
yes
katherine says:
lol i'll do it!
[[Christine]] says:
LOL
sweeeeet
katherine says:
what's my blogger account username?
katherine says:
i can remember my password but not my username
[[Christine]] says:
xinaudiblemelodiesx

We study hard for exams.

Love should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake.

I have a few internet outlets which help keep me sane, including this blog and my twitter. I got a twitter account quite a while ago, before any of my friends had accounts; which at the time, I wasn't too impressed about but now I kind of wish I could have that again. I have several of my irl friends on twitter now, it was fun at first but now I kind of wish I could have my privacy back. Every time I update my twitter I feel so conscious of what I post, and often reject the first few things that come to mind. It just made me extremely aware of how guarded and self-conscious I am.

I wish I wasn't. It shouldn't matter. But it does.

One of the worst parts is that the more important a situation or person may be to me, the more careful and shy I tend to be.

Which often results in the opposite of desired effects.

I'd rather hurt myself than be hurt, you know? At least I'm nicer.

I really don't think I explained this concept properly, but it made sense in my head.

I can't decide how I feel about this picture. The egg on the left, he's telling it like it is. He's not afraid to say what he thinks, he's putting himself out there. He's going places... at the expense of the other egg. Maybe he's rude, cold-hearted. I don't know.

Not that I feel the need to express my thoughts of other people more. It's expressing myself that I'm talking about here. So really I don't think that picture was at all related to what I was talking about. I just really liked it.

All of a sudden my computer started double-spacing... that's strange. So, I apologize for the excessive amounts of empty space here...

Anyways it's really, really late. I should sleep now.

So my soundtrack is:

Sleepyhead- Passion Pit

Wish - Gregory and the Hawk

Loving You- Paolo Nutini

Underground - Kimya Dawson

We Get On - Kate Nash

Finally a blog post that's not just a pile of mental vomit.

There's this new, really cool internet meme where you basically make a collage of all these things that you love. And since you all know of my love for pretty pictures I couldn't resist making one:




If you want to do one, here's how:

DIRECTIONS:
- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first page.
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.

QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?

That's all I have to say today.
So I'll finish with my soundtrack for the day:
Loving You - Paolo Nutini
Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds
Love Song - Four Years Strong
Betrayed By Bones - Hellogoodbye

I'm sorry but I want to kiss you everytime you have something incredible to say.

The following is a series of nonsensical and seemingly unrelated stanzas which.. as a whole kind of suck. I tried to format them in a way that would be better but the publisher wouldn't let me. So you're stuck with this:

All week I've been thinking to myself:
"Self: I'd like to blog because my head feels so goddamned full."
It's so full I can't sleep at night.
I feel worn out.
I feel like that thirty year old copy of Cather in the Rye that's been handed out to one too many illiterate teenagers and all the pages are falling out and the cover's ripped in half so it only reads:
"The Ca
In Th
J.D. Sal"
and so many students have signed it out that a teacher had to staple a piece of lined paper into the cover so people have room to write their names and the first few pages are discoloured because someone left it out in the sun too long, all the pages are dogeared, the spine is broken and some kid vomited on pages 112/113.
That's what I feel like.

You know that feeling you get when you shouldn't enjoy something but you do and you hate yourself because of it?
The other day I heard someone say "No one can stand between you and your happiness."
Does that help?
Bullshit.
You'll learn not to feel entitled.

I think I have some kind of problem.
When I look in a mirror I spend ridiculous amounts of time staring into my eyes.
I never used to have this problem.
It's not a vanity thing.
I don't know what it is.
I cut this stanza out like five times but kept pasting it back in.

I'm your puppet
I'll learn to love it
And I'll undress if you need it
But please don't need it

Choose one:
Sanity & Closure
OR
The very unlikely possibility of happiness

Soundtrack to my life:
Crooked Teeth - Death Cab for Cutie
Merry Happy - Kate Nash
I'm Your Puppet - Gregory and the Hawk
Apology - Shane Koyczan

You're like the long lost vinyl of louis armstrong and I wanna plplplay you until it until it, I wanna plplplay you until ski until it until it skips.

As the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle states: "Nothing is foshizzle." And the interesting thing about that is it insures that the principle itself cannot be a fact.

I think that Shane Koyczan is a genious.

What would Jay-Z do?

Sometimes when I read something that I love
I wish I wrote it.
So I write it down somewhere personal like a notebook or a blog
So I can pretend I know what it's like to create something beautiful.
It's a good feeling.
I promise.

"Give me a reason to fall in love
Take my hand and let's dance
Give me a reason to make me smile
Cause I think I forgot how
I wanna fall asleep with you tonight
I wanna know that I am safe when you hold me tight
I wanna feel like I wanna feel forever
Girls need attention, and boys need us
So let's make everybody glad
That they have each other in each others arms
Oh let's make everybody glad

I want you.

I wanna dream away with you tonight
We can go anywhere you would like
I wanna feel how I wanna feel forever

I want you."

Like that.
That's probably plagiarism.
But I don't care
no one reads this anyways.

And sometimes I like to write in
short
repetitive
lines.
So I
can pretend
I'm artsy
and poetic.

Occasionally I from English type thing in the Japanese translator.
Then I do again to translate those in English.
Occasionally that the healthy profundity is deep in me making.

And sometimes I try too hard.

You will hate this blog post.

I don't feel like writing a blog right now.
I don't want to write a blog right now.
But I'm bored and people wont leave me alone so I'm writing a freaking blog post.
Except I don't know what to write about, so I'm just typing.
I think Graham gave me a bunch of good ideas but I can't remember them right now. So that's not much help.
It doesn't help that I'm not a very happy camper right now, so I'll probably just complain for most of this. I warned you.

I had a really weird day today. I visited the University of Waterloo which was interesting. It felt really strange like I was actually making some kind of positive effort to plan my future in some way... which doesn't sound at all like me, right? I promise I didn't do it willingly, I pouted and sulked the whole day (except when there was this really cute boy telling me about his residence building, he was so sweet).
Anyways it was all very frightening.
That afternoon I was sitting in this little cafe in downtown Waterloo by msyelf, eating a chicken bacon wrap, drinking a key lime soda and listening to the Dixie Chicks sing some depressing song about avalanches and growing old on the radio. I almost cried. It was all very nostalgic. It was like something out of an Ann Brashares novel.
I don't think that scene will have the same effect on you guys that it had on me, and I'm sure none of this will make any sense, but that's what happened.

Oh and I should tell you guys that I'm in love.
I downloaded a Julia Nunes album today, and I think it might just get me through.
The first few times I've ever heard her, I've thought her voice was repulsive, but now I'm in love. Her lyrics are really heart-felt and there's nothing like a ukulele and and acousitc guitar for ones soul.
Have you ever stumbled across an album at exactly the right time in your life?
Like the album just so perfectly relates to your life at that point that it kills you sometimes.
Maybe I'm the only person who's like that... probably.
Jack Johnson's Sleep Through The Static is like that for me. I have such a massive emotional attachment to that album, it's not even healthy. But it means so much to me. It just happened to come into my life right when I needed it.
I sound like such a hippy.
Sorry.
It's not my fault you didn't have to read this.
But I digress, I think Julia Nunes is amazing and I highly suggest you check her out.

Oh and I think Graham suggested I include a current soundtrack to my life, so I'm going to do that:
You Will Love This Song - Amber Rubarth
Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Be My Escape - Relient K
The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Out Of His Mind - Griffin House
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

This entry was all over the place. And I doubt any of this will make sense, but too bad. And I'm not going to read it over because if I do I'll probably realize that it's too embarrassing and not post it then all of this will have been for nothing.
So that's it, losers.
<4